I never be laid back as

Incoming: LONG ass rant.

So I have (yet again) been accused of being an elitist.  Haha…well I don’t disagree with being an elitist at times.  But I was accused of one for inaccurate reasons….here’s the back story:

A few nights ago I went out to a bar with a good friend.  We bumped into this girl from high school, and we had a long catching up convo with her.  My friend was filling her in on her life, such as possibly going to Korea to teach English.  The girl from our school started telling us about “juice girls” and prostitution in Korea and gave us this little nugget of opinion:

“I mean why are we fighting in I-RAQ when we should be there (Korea) helping”

so I let all the fucked-up-ness of that statement go at that moment…only glancing at my good friend.

A few days later, my friend and I were hanging out and chatting, and somehow we started talking about how some people are seemingly “liberal” but saw some pretty fucked up shit….such as our old school mate did….

And then I launched into “god can you believe ‘I-RAQ???’”

And my friend pointed out that I was being an elitist for proscribing a certain pronunciation of Iraq.

I always thought, that as Americans, we should always try to pronounce the name of a country the closest to the way people of that country say it.

I mean the real pronunciation is more of a glottal sound in the beginning and middle of the word.  But Americans are not typically able to make that sound.  The closest pronunciation would be “E-rock.”  Therefore, we (Arab Americans, Iraqi Americans) have let “E-rock” go.

Granted, my friend said when we both hear I-RACK, it conjures the image of some ignorant, conservative republican asshole, so I automatically get in hate mode.

I have heard educated professors refer to the country as “I-rack” and I gotta be honest, it does make me sad.  But my friend insists (linguist students….ugh) that in American dialect and accent that is how Iraq is pronounced….and to command someone to change the way they pronounce it, when they have been taught or learned that it is I-RACK is a show of my elitism.  “I know how to say it, and you are wrong, so I have to teach you”—is elitist.

A teacher at our high school told one day in class “actually you pronounce it “Iraq” (the actual Arabic way of saying it).  So according to my friend, our teacher, who was supposed to teach us…demonstrating the correct way of saying Iraq, is elitist.

Moronic.

I am not arguing correcting someone over “supposebly” or “Ax”

But when someone says “ch-aldean” instead of “kaldean” I will correct them.

i don’t think this elitist rule applies to proper nouns.

Reading at Arab, one can easily say “ay-rab.” There is no “air” for A R…..is there in English?

Damn straight I will correct someone saying ay-rab…..

presentation for military

So in my last post i talked about doing a short presentation for some soldiers going to Iraq.  when they first told me about it, i was pissed “oh great so they can learn more of my ‘backwards’ culture before they rape and kill my people.”

this kinda made me feel conflicted.  i spoke to another coworker who has a degree in peace/conflict studies focusing on mid east, and she had some things that made me feel better.  i mean hopefully….hopefully they will take into consideration the sensitivity of civilian/military interactions and how they work.  hopefully they won’t do anything to worsen the civilian’s situation or their own.

inshallah this mess will be resolved…and our efforts will have helped.

 

i hope i didn’t sound like an idiot in my presentation.  i just hope i made sense and they learned…something.

LH: live. raw. uncensored.

i often have a hard time being myself.  and being comfortable.  i am always coding my words or apologizing or masking the real me.  i am not out at work.  shit.  arabs talk.  for sure they know a chaldean who knows a friend who knows a cousin down the line.  i also don’t feel so comfortable being super chaldean or arab american in certain spaces.  how can i be when its a space semi hostile to sexuality (not just homo, but any kind).  how can i be when i am in a space semi hostile to NON-superduper all american mainstream culture?  

sometimes spaces close in on me and i feel like imploding.  

i feel like i spend so much time represent’n myself, that i forget who the fuck i am represent’n.  

another complexity: when i am in gay spaces, the bar, who the fuck am i?  i dress pretty “femme,” even when i “butch” it up, i am still labeled “femme.”  growing up i felt so unfeminine.  not even masculine, but less human (years of self hate, folks). anyways…i guess i try to over compensate in being “ultra femme” now. i think i get more attention…but only from certain dykes i want attention from.  in the grand scheme i am not sure if i am that girl who walks into the room and everyone wants to fuck her.  not sure if i still want to be that girl. sometimes.  

it was a big deal for me to find other gay mid easterners.  i needed to be validated.  and once i met a bunch of chaldeans and arabs, it did hel to hear coming out (or outing) stories, and they felt the same way i did about cultures clashing and being somewhat repressed.  but lately i have felt disconnected.  i work alot.  don’t hang out much, and i feel like my concerns aren’t exactly shared with some of the gayrabs (haha).  that’s ok.  i suppose i think too much.

 

here is great essay posted on racialicious

i need to read more of this stuff.  i need to read more.

Aggravation

So a few days ago I had to go to a local community college diversity fair, and represent my work. So basically I had table set up with artifacts and info about Arab Americans, the place I work, etc. I talked to many students interested in Arab stuff. It was nice. But…these sorts of things are just grounds for ignorant folk to come up to you and voice their thoughts on the middles east in the most fucked up general terms. One woman comes up to me seeking “enlightenment.” Bullshit. I think she just wanted to air her aggravation. Don’t get me wrong, I think there are a lot of fucked up things in my culture…BUT THAT DOESN’T GIVE YOU, MS. PRIVELEGED WHITE WOMAN, THE RIGHT TO CRITICISE OTHER COMMUNITIES/CULTURES. LOOK AT YOUR OWN DAMN RACE IN YOUR OWN DAMN COUNTRY. Yeah, you are so fucking civilized…right?

Annoying Lady: So, lemme ask you something: because all countries in the mid east (she may not have even said a designation) are governed by religion, how do families who come here adapt? (because our government is so secular, right? and all families are the same)

Me: Most adapt pretty well. I mean they are trying to live their lives. Perhaps some older generations may be resistant, but they just want to hold on to their culture.

Lady: Well then why even come here if you don’t want to change? ::then her son came by and shook my hand and they both looked at me weird…like “I just met a real live Ay-rab:::

Me: its not that they (again…they? They ALL??? It was so hard to talk because she caught me off guard with her gross generalizing) don’t want to conform. I mean…younger generations usually assimilate faster-

Lady: yeah yeah I know but I’m talking about— (And she went on and on….)

Lady: So in all those countries, don’t they all know that the three religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) have the same beginnings with Abraham? Don’t they know that? Why all the fighting? (insinuating that they are all barabaric)

Me: I’m sure they know that information…(why don’t you ask them??? Then I tried getting specific by talking about one country, like Iraq, as very secular, and comparing it to a religious country….because NOT EVERY COUNTRY IS THE SAME) Also, I mean, look at Christianity, Catholics and Protestants have had their troubles.

Lady: well yeah, but they aren’t killing each other over it….

And I should have said this…after conferring with a coworker later: “oh REALLY? So Ireland untilt he late 1980s had no problems between religions…that’s a country in the west…non Arab….you stupid fuck” I wish I was able to get clearer with her. It just caught me off guard. She was talking so GENERALLY that it totally threw me. I sorta clarified that I was Chaldean…only to see how she felt about THAT (mostly because she said she had lived around the area where many Chaldeans live). I wanted to gauge her thoughts on Christians in the middle east. Maybe she just hated Muslims? She just looked at me blankly. I think she probs conflated culture and religion…as she conflated EVERYTHING else. Maybe she just hates Arabs.

So my question: are you really trying to understand the many CULTURES of a region, lady? Or are you just their to air your grievances? ‘Cause, bitch, I ain’t got time….

Linky time.

Not much to write…that’s a lie, but I would rather post some links to some Kabobfest articles of interest:

1. An article about the appropriation of Islam in american culture…via Urban Outfitters  

2. This article about Arabs in Hollywood-mostly films about Arabs, and this one person’s review of them.

3. And a little bit of blogging against homophobia in Syria

i’m talking bout cultcha, people

I work at a cultural institution that promotes and informs about Arab culture and Arab American stories.  I would rather not say the name…just so I have my own privacy…and to protect the innocent if I later criticize my own workplace.

Anyways, I am an educator- I work on educational programs and give cultural presentations and tours.

That’s all I will say bout that…

Today, I gave a tour to 3 seniors and some stuck up bitch.  When talking about identity and what constitutes Arab (language, culture, politics) and the different African and west Asian countries that make up the Arab world, I got some weird looks from one of the senior women and the stuck up bitch. 

“Oh it’s just like calling someone from Costa Rico a Mexican, and then they get mad!” she was so astonished that someone would be offended by getting called the wrong ethnicity.  What, anything south of the border should be “Mexican”? And then the senior lady adds “you know it’s like when people get made you call them Asian, and they say ‘no, I’m KOREAN!”  Like, omg the nerve….people actually take their identity PERSONALLY….i’m sure these women don’t want to be called anything other than “American” or whatever the fuck they are.

 Why is that so hard for others to understand?   I mean, every continent has its own racial and cultural hierarchies-some founded on complete bullshit (see later posts on Chaldean HYSTERIA over being called Arab)-but we outsiders of whichever culture don’t need to be outspoken about who we think they should be called….especially when I am trying to teach your ass in an actual CULTURAL INSTITUTION.

I could tell I was giving them info they couldn’t handle….sometimes older people are hard to educate…even young kids who grow up without any knowledge of someone different are  a little bit easier to get through to.

Anyways….I feel better I got that out.  See, that’s why I blog.