i feel like doing….NOTHING

i’m having one of those months…and hopefully it doesn’t turn into year, where i don’t feel like being productive at all.

i applied to 6 schools for a phd in american studies.

one just denied my ass.  and i am super worried about the others.  i am still hoping…but i don’t know.  i hate uncertainty in my life, and i am constantly wondering about my future: will i move in 6 months?, if i don’t go to school will i still have a job?, will i ever get to the next level of academia? am i a fucking failure?

work is pretty slow right now too.  i have a lot of down time….time to think…but i’m really just watching bad tv.

i should be:

1. reading books

2. finish knitting my uncle’s scarf

3. writing….i guess blogging is a start

4. thinking of alternatives….in terms of employment

what i should NOT be doing is worrying about girls.  i can’t help but wonder if i will ever have a meaningful relationship….and if i will ever acheive my goals.